Recently one of my elders, teachers and friends encouraged me to create a list of commitments. It was so interesting to see what this word actually brought up in my awareness. The emotions were plentiful and I was surprised to see how much fear and trepidation were present. On the surface I felt ready, but then I realized something. I realized was not sure what I wanted to commit to. I realized that I was afraid to look in and see what was authentically there.
Then after a very emotional evening and much dreaming, I was awoke at 4am sharp. Interestingly, in the Jungian world, four is the number of completion and this is how I am feeling in this moment. I was awoke by a driving force that said “the time is now”. I got up and came to my computer. I had big tears. I had big emotion. I began writing and as I started my list, I realized that I was not really looking in. I realized that I was creating these commitments for other people. As this realization came over me, I wept and then found the truth. I realized that this was not for anyone else. This was for me. This was for my growth. This was for my heart. This was for discovering who I am really am. This is when I began looking in the right place. I looked within and found my own authenticity and poured my heart into what I was writing.
It is interesting because I feel like I have been running from commitment for quite sometime. I am seeing now that in doing so I really felt foggy, ungrounded and unclear. It was like I did not have a base to stand on or a place to really build from. It was really insightful to feel the shift in this process. I had for some time fell into the illusion that commitment would tie me down; limit my choices or take my freedom.
This is where the paradox comes in and where the transformation occurs. As I dug deep within and found what was authentically important to my heart, I found how I really wanted to live. What I really wanted to live. I found the seed of transformation within and saw how really true and pure my heart is. How much I want to help others. How kind and how gentle I want to be. I found a real dedication to the new way of being. I realized that commitment, when being made from authenticity, is actually very liberating.
So now, instead of feeling limited, as I had feared, I actually feel free. It feels like everything has just been waiting for me to look within and declare what I am committed to! There is true activation in finding commitment and I am so grateful to have found this authenticity. I am beginning a series of blogs and will be sharing my commitments with you. I feel excited to share these and hope that they inspire you to activate your truth.
May all beings feel liberation from illusion and find the true nature of the heart.